1. The Doctor’s Appointment
I went to the doctor for my annual checkup, and after looking over my chart, she asked, “Do you have any trouble sleeping?”
“Not at all,” I said. “I’m actually very good at it.”
She looked a little confused. “I mean, do you have difficulty falling asleep?”
“Oh, absolutely,” I replied. “I can fall asleep anywhere. On the couch, in a chair, during movies…”
She stared at me for a moment.
“So you don’t have trouble sleeping?”
“No,” I said. “My biggest problem is waking up. I’m excellent at the first part.”
The doctor nodded thoughtfully and wrote something down.
I asked, “What did you put?”
“Patient has no medical concerns,” she said. “Just apparently has a very strong commitment to naps.”
2. The Coffee Shop Confusion
I walked into a coffee shop one morning and told the barista, “I’d like a large coffee, please.”
She smiled and asked, “Would you like room for cream?”
I said, “No, I’ve got plenty of room at home.”
She paused.
“I mean… do you want us to leave some space in the cup?”
“Oh! Yes, please.”
She prepared my coffee and handed it over.
As I reached for it, she said, “Anything else?”
I thought about it and said, “Actually, yes. Could you leave a little room for optimism too?”
She laughed. “I can give you extra foam.”
“Perfect,” I said. “That’s basically the same thing.”
I walked out with my coffee, feeling pretty good about the exchange.
Then I realized I had no idea whether I had just ordered a beverage or accidentally attended a therapy session.
3. The Hardware Store Question
I went into a hardware store looking for something to fix a squeaky door.
An employee asked, “Can I help you find something?”
“Yes,” I said. “I need something that will stop my door from making that terrible noise every time I open it.”
He immediately walked me over to a shelf and picked up a small bottle.
“This should do it.”
I looked at the bottle. “What is it?”
“Lubricant.”
“Oh, good. Does it work on doors?”
“Absolutely.”
I nodded. “Excellent. Because I tried talking nicely to the door, but it doesn’t seem interested in changing.”
He laughed.
Then he said, “You could also try tightening the hinges.”
I sighed. “I was afraid you were going to suggest discipline.”
He smiled. “For a door?”
“At this point, I’m willing to try anything.”
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